WAYNE’ STUFF 28

HEY FELLOW RETIREES, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE OUR STOVE BACK AT THE OLD FIRE HOUSE. .........IT SURE DOESN'T.

 NO FIREHOUSE WOULD EVER HAVE A WHITE STOVE LET ALONE HAVE NIC  NACS ON IT

BESIDES ALL FIRE STOVES ARE GARLANDS AND THIS IS A FRIGIDARE.

MY WIFE (AS ALL OF OURS) IS SO HAPPY TO HAVE ME HOME ALL DAY THAT I'M SURE SHE WON'T MIND  ME CHANGING THINGS AROUND A BIT.

HOLD ON GUYS, I'VE GOT AN ENGINE HOUSE PROJECT COMING UP.

WELL GUYS WHAT DO YOU THINK. A FIREMAN'S KITCHEN.

A GARLAND STOVE, NO NIC NACS ON IT ,    GREASE ON THE TOP, BURNED MATCHES AND OIL ON THE DRIP TRAYS, OIL DRIPPING FROM THE HOOD, SOUP POTS ALL READY.   AH YES  RETIREES REMEMBER THOSE DAYS COOKING UP FOOD..

NOBODY TO SAY" DON'T FRY ANYTHING AS YOU'LL SPLATTER GREASE ALL OVER THE STOVE AND CUPBOARDS".

REMEMBER HOW GOOD IT WAS WHEN WE HAD A TRIALMAN ON OUR UNIT AND EVEN BETTER ON OUR KELLY. WE COULD MAKE A HUGH MESS AND HE CLEANED IT UP.

STICK AROUND AS I HAVE MORE IDEAS

WELL GUYS ,REMEMBER ,JUST BECAUSE WE ARE RETIREES DOESN'T MEAN WE HAVE TO

ABANDON ALL THOSE YEARS OF COOKING SKILLS THAT WE LEARNED AT THE ENGINE HOUSE.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I AM GETTING AWFULLY SICK AND TIRED OF FISH & CHICKEN BEING

BROILED. BAKED, SAUTÉED, BOILED AND POACHED.

WHAT ABOUT "MEAT" BEING FRIED, BURNED, NUKED???

AND WHAT THE HECK ,THE FEW TIMES WE HAVE MEAT IT'S BAKED AU JUS"???   I THINK THAT'S A FRENCH TERM FOR BROWN WATER.

WHAT ABOUT GRAVY THAT'S AS THICK AS WALLPAPER PASTE.

REMEMBER TRIMMING OFF THE FAT FROM AROUND OUR STEAKS AND   FRYING THEM UP .THEN WE WOULD PUT THOSE LITTLE BEAUTIES OF FRIED FAT ON A PLATE  AND SPRINKLE SALT ON THEM TO EAT.

THE GREASE WOULD DRIP DOWN THE SIDES OF OUR MOUTHS.    AH.... YES,  REMEMBER  WIPING THE GREASE FROM YOUR CHIN WITH YOUR SHIRT SLEEVE. NO FANCY NAPKINS,  JUST ONE SLEEVE AND WHEN THAT GOT LOADED WITH GREASE THE OTHER SLEEVE.  THEN TWO BELCHES, THREE FARTS................REAL.............."GUY STUFF"

AH YES THOSE WERE THE DAYS.

OK HERE IS THE PLAN

 1---GO TO THE STORE AND GET A STEAK, NOT ROUND STEAK THAT HASN'T GOTTEN ANY FAT BUT A

MACHO MANS STEAK THAT IS "REEKING OF FAT" I'M GOING TO LEAD YOU THROUGH A SERIES OF STEPS  . IT WILL RELIVE THOSE DAYS OF YESTERYEAR  

 2---GET A GOOD CAST IRON SKILLET,  NOT ONE OF THOSE SISSY SAUTÉ PANS. GUYS WE'RE NOT SAUTÉING TODAY. WE ARE    "FRYING".

3---KICK UP THE FIRE, WAY UP.  THE KNOB ON THE BURNER SAYS HIGH, THAT'S REGULAR PEOPLE HIGH.

 TO REACH FIREMEN' HIGH TAKE OFF THAT KNOB AND USING A PAIR OF PLIERS TURN CLOCKWISE TILL YOU

 JUST FEEL THE STOVE IS STARTING TO TILT,

THAT'S FIREMEN'S HIGH

NOW WERE FRYING SOME STEAK ,NOT SAUTÉING OR BROILING BUT .....FRYING .

FUNNY, BUT THESE DINKY EXHAUST FANS DON'T DO A VERY GOOD JOB.  MAYBE TOMORROW I'LL SEE IF I CAN

 OPEN UP A HOLE IN THE WALL AND PUT IN A LARGE FAN.

YOU KNOW I SOMETIMES WONDER IF THE AVERAGE WIFE REALLY APPRECIATES HOW HANDY US FIREMEN ARE.

 THE AVERAGE BOZO OUT THERE WOULD NOT EVEN KNOW HOW TO OPEN A HOLE IN THE WALL TO INSTALL A FAN.

 HE CAN'T EVEN HELP OUT IN THE KITCHEN LIKE WE DO.

LOOK AT THE BIG HELP I AM TO MY WIFE, COOKING MY FOOD WHILE SHE IS OUT SHOPPING.

SHE MUST BE SO PROUD OF ME.

OK GUYS, YOU KNOW NO RESPECTABLE FIREMAN WOULD EVER SIT AT A TABLE LIKE THIS.

CAN YOU IMAGINE THE COOK AT THE FIRE HOUSE SETTING OUR TABLE WITH A LACE RUNNER AND A BOWL OF FLOWERS AS A CENTER PIECE, THEN  COMING UP TO US INDIVIDUALLY AND SAYING: 

DINNER IS NOW BEING SERVED IN THE MAIN DINNING ROOM.

HOLD ON WHILE I MAKE SOME MINOR ADJUSTMENTS.

A FIREMAN'S DIAMOND PLATE TABLE

A BIG, THICK, MARBLED, STEAK FRIED IN BACON GREASE

NOT  ,A  LATTE., CAPPUCCINO, CAFÉ MOCHA OR OTHER SISSY DRINKS, JUST A HOT CUP OF BLACK COFFEE WITH SOME GROUNDS FLOATING ON THE TOP.

FOR OUR CENTER PIECE THE  NEWSPAPER.

WHAT MORE COULD A GUY ASK FOR...............EXCEPT FOR A TRIALMAN TO CLEAN  THE MESS I MADE OF THE STOVE.     

YOU KNOW GUYS, I REALLY FEEL BAD FOR THE MESS I MADE  OF MY WIFE'S KITCHEN

MAYBE I CAN DO A LITTLE REMODELING TO GET BACK IN HER GOOD GRACES. 

REMEMBER

HOW WE WENT   OUT IN OUR FIRST ALARM DISTRICT TO  LOOK FOR GOOD STUFF

 TO FIX UP THE ENGINE HOUSE. I THINK THAT THE TRAINING ACADEMY SHOULD

INCLUDE THAT IN THEIR COURSE AS SCROUNGING IS A VERY IMPORTANT PART OF A

FIREMAN'S LIFE. THE CITY DIDN'T PROVIDE FOR OUR NEEDS SO WE HAD TO FIX THE

PLACE UP THE BEST WAY WE COULD. I STILL HAVE SOME OF THAT "GOOD STUFF "IN

THE BASEMENT.

 WAIT HERE WHILE I START ONE OF "MY PROJECTS.

FIRST OFF, I GOT RID OF THE DINKY KITCHEN SINK. WHAT KIND OF REAL FIREMAN'S WORK COULD YOU DO IN A SMALL SINK LIKE THAT.

 WE NEED A REAL MANS SINK, A "SLOP SINK"

NOW WHEN I HAVE A BUCKET OF DIRTY WATER I DON'T HAVE TO SLOWLY POUR IT IN TO GUARD AGAINST AN OVER FLOW.

  I WILL HAVE TO SHOW MY WIFE HOW TO CLEAN IT LIKE WE SHOWED THE TRIALMEN TO CLEAN THEM BACK AT THE OLD FIRE HOUSE. 

SHE'S GOING TO LOVE IT.

HANG ON OLD RETIREES AS I'M JUST GETTING STARTED.

NONE OF THOSE STORE BOUGHT RACKS FOR ME .  I THINK THIS SHELVING

CAME FROM SOME BURNED OUT AUTO GARAGE. NOW MY WIFE WON'T HAVE TO

BEND DOWN TO GET HER POTS AND PANS.

SHE'S GOING TO LOVE THIS.

I BET ALL OF US RETIREE HAVE WIVES THAT ARE SO HAPPY TO HAVE US HOME EVERY DAY SO WE CAN MAKE THEIR LIVES SO MUCH EASIER . 

STICK AROUND GUYS I HAVE MORE TO DO.

WELL GUYS WHAT DO YOU  THINK?

ALMOST LIKE THE OLD FIRE BARN.

MY WIFE HAD JUST SMALL CONTAINERS OF BARLEY,  PEAS AND OTHER ITEMS THAT SHE

 HAD TO CONSTANTLY GO TO THE CUPBOARD TO GET. THIS WAY EVERYTHING IS RIGHT

 WHERE SHE CAN EASILY GET THEM.

 NOTICE I BROUGHT  THE BIG SOUP POT OUT. AND SEE WHAT IS ABOVE THE

 SLOP SINK  "FIREMEN'S CATSUP"  ................."FRANKS HOT SAUCE"

I ALSO PUT SOME OF THE ENGINEHOUSE WHITE GLAZED BRICKS ON THE BACK WALL.

STAY WITH ME GUYS, MORE TO COME

GUYS , THIS IS "NOT" A FIREMAN'S REFRIGERATOR OR CUPBOARDS.

REMEMBER BACK AT THE OLD FIRE HOUSE TO MAKE IT EASIER TO GET THE CUPS, BOWLS AND PLATES WE WOULD TAKE OFF THE DOORS.

NOW US OLD RETIREES CAN'T TAKE OFF THE DOORS, WE REALIZE THIS BUT WE CAN

STILL MAKE IT MORE LIKE BACK WHEN WE WERE WORKING.

I HAVE SOME IDEAS THAT I KNOW MY WIFE WILL LIKE.

MY WIFE IS GOING TO REALLY LOVE THIS DECORATING THEME.

I GOT THESE OLD FIRE ENGINE DOORS AT A FIRE FLEA MARKET.

  THOSE HEAVY DUTY LATCHES ARE A LOT BETTER THEN MOST SISSY  KITCHEN KNOBS THAT THEY MAKE.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE HAPPY EXPRESSION ON HER FACE.

FOLLOW  ME, AS I'M GOING TO THE LIVING ROOM AS IT NEEDS SOME CHANGES .

HEY GUYS, YOU KNOW WHAT?.  THIS TV ROOM LACKS SOMETHING. IT LOOKS LIKE A WIMPS ROOM.

   A TV ROOM IS A MAN'S ROOM, ESPECIALLY A RETIRED FIREMAN REMEMBER HOW OUR TV ROOM LOOKED, NO SISSY LAMPS, NO DOILIES ON OUR TABLES AND ESPECIALLY NO SCONCES.  HECK I NEVER EVEN KNEW WHAT A SCONCE  WAS.

WAIT HERE I'M GETTING MY TOOLBOX AND I'M DOING MY STUFF.  I SAID TO

MYSELF...."SELF,  WOULD JOHN WAYNE, THE "DUKE" WATCH TV IN A ROOM LIKE THIS?????????????? 

WE KNOW WHAT HIS ANSWER WOULD BE...........

FIRST I GOT RID OF THAT PICTURE AND THOSE TWO STUPID SCONCES. THEN  I PUT UP BULLETINS, PARTY AND DEATH NOTICES, CHIEF OF DEPARTMENT ANNOUNCEMENTS, UNION RESULTS AND FUND STUFF.

THERE DOESN'T THAT LOOK BETTER.

HOW CAN A GUY FUNCTION WITHOUT ALL THIS PAPERWORK TELLING HIM WHAT TO DO.

HECK IT TOOK ME TWO YEARS AFTER I RETIRED THAT I LEARNED HOW TO THINK FOR MYSELF.

ALL THE STUFF COMING FROM "HEADQUARTERS" GIVING US ORDERS ON WHAT TO DO AND WHAT WE WERE DOING WRONG.

 THEN IF THEY COULDN'T THINK OF HOW TO WORD AN ORDER THEY GAVE THAT CLASSIC

 " CONDUCT UNBECOMING"

HANG ON I HAVE MORE CHANGES TO MAKE

WELL GUYS WHAT DO YOU THINK?  NOT EXACTLY LIKE THE ENGINE HOUSE BUT BETTER THEN IT WAS.

I KNOW YOUR WIFE IS LIKE ALL FIREMEN'S WIVES.  THEIR MOTTO IS

"HONEY, WHAT MAKE YOU HAPPY MAKES ME HAPPY"

 I BET MY WIFE WISHES I WOULD HAVE RETIRED EVEN EARLIER SO I COULD BE FURTHER ALONG IN REMODELING OUR HOUSE.

 HOLD ON GUYS AS I'M GOING TO CHECK OUT SIDE.

YOU KNOW GUYS, AN ENGINE HOUSE  IT ISN'T.

IT JUST DOESN'T HAVE THE CHARACTER OF THE OLD FIREHOUSE. 

 I RETIRED OUT OF ENGINE 21, LADDER 28 AND THAT PLACE WAS FULL OF CHARACTERS.

PLAIN GRAY, A COOKIE CUTTER HOUSE. ALL HOUSES IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD LOOK THE SAME..

OK, TOOL BOX IN HAND, WAYNE , DO YOUR "STUFF"

LOOKING GOOD.

FIRST, YELLOW  GUIDE LINES  TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR MY WIFE TO BACK IN.

THEN RED ENGINE HOUSE DOORS I BOUGHT FROM AN OUT OF SERVICE FIRE STATION.

  THE OWNER OF THAT STATION TALKED ME INTO BUYING THE ROOF ABOVE THE GARAGE,

 PRETTY NICE, EH.

HE TOLD ME TO COME BACK TOMORROW AS HE HAS  MORE PARTS OF THE BUILDING FOR ME.

  I WAS ABLE TO JUST LOAD THE BRICKWORK FOR THE ONE PART OF THE HOUSE.

I HAVE TO CUT THIS SHORT AS I HAVE ONE MORE LOAD TO GET BEFORE MY WIFE COMES HOME FROM SHOPPING.

 SOMETIMES SHE PULLS INTO THE WRONG DRIVE  AS ALL THESE HOUSES LOOK ALIKE.

I THINK SHE'LL BE ABLE TO SPOT OURS NOW.

WON'T SHE BE HAPPY.

I'LL BE BACK

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK.???????????

IF YOU THINK THIS IS NICE JUST WAIT TILL YOU SEE WHAT I DID TO THE KITCHEN AND LIVING ROOM.

REMEMBER SAYING TO ME "WAYNE, IF YOU'RE HAPPY, I'M HAPPY.

THIS WILL BE A NICE TEST OF YOUR WORD AS

 I'M VERY HAPPY AND THEREFORE I KNOW AFTER SEEING ALL I DID TODAY

 YOU'LL  ALSO BE VERY HAPPY.

WAYNE, YOU AND THE REST OF YOU OLD FART RETIREES NEED TO GO BACK TO WORK.

ALL YOU OLD BOZOS FIXED UP THE FIREHOUSES WITH JUNK THAT YOU SCROUNGED FROM  BURNED OUT BUILDINGS OR IN THE ALLEYS WHILE US WIVES KEPT UP OUR HOMES AND DECORATED THEM FROM BOUTIQUES.

NOW YOU THINK YOU CAN BRING YOUR JUNK HOME AND TURN OUR HOME INTO A FIREHOUSE.

YOU GOT JUNK FROM THE GARBAGE CANS, WELL YOU CAN STAY IN ONE WHILE I UNDO WHAT YOU DID.